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Losing It In Cheval Blanc Randheli

by Marc Almagro
14 Aug 2019

Nothing will toughen you up quicker than a week in a luxury resort

I found myself humming a song from a Broadway musical as I filled my luggage for a five-day retreat at Cheval Blanc Randheli, the stunning LVMH-owned resort on Noonu atoll in the Maldives.

“I need three more weeks to get these thighs in shape; no more carbohydrates, don't be naughty”, I intoned as I grabbed as many shirts and shorts as I could – if it was colorful and lightweight I balled it up and threw it into a bag. With just enough room for my laptop and its unwieldy cable, I finally zipped it up.

  • IT'S A DIFFERENT DEAL
  • SHAKING A GLOVED HAND
  • DID YOU RING, SIR?
  • WE RECOMMEND THE DOM PERIGNON ...
  • THIS MAY HURT A LITTLE
  • START HERE AND NOW

It's A Different Deal

If you’re headed to a luxury resort, especially one on a private island, there are many things that you can subtract from your list of worries. Toiletries, for example.

They have more unguents than you’ll know what to do with: lotion for sunning and after, serum for the hair, cream for the hands, wax for the lips, and an emollient just for that patch under each eye. Imagine that.

In your villa, there will be a robe each for bathing and lounging, and since you’re just a drawbridge away from total isolation, you only have to put on clothes – if you so desire – to answer the door. There are slippers for the bedroom and for the deck, and a duffel bag for your yoga stuff. (Although you may want to consider packing that linen suit for a fancy dinner.)

I was right in assuming that Cheval Blanc Randheli provided these. You could practically show up dishevelled and they would smooth out whatever wrinkles you came with.

  • IT'S A DIFFERENT DEAL
  • SHAKING A GLOVED HAND
  • DID YOU RING, SIR?
  • WE RECOMMEND THE DOM PERIGNON ...
  • THIS MAY HURT A LITTLE
  • START HERE AND NOW

Shaking A Gloved Hand

My invitation from Cheval Blanc came at the perfect time. I’d been sitting in my office for far too long and have likely compromised my posture, digestion, and general well-being.

I needed to be someplace where I could eat right and stay active. And if I emerged from it with some semblance of a chin or a waistline, that would be a bonus.

We'll soon have you skipping like an ingenue; You won't look a day over forty.” I sang as I filled up the CBR Guest Preference Questionnaire that the concierge had sent.

It had tick boxes for the types of villa, F&B, and activities I wanted. Vegetarian, halal, kosher, gluten-free or ovo-lactarian diet? Still or sparkling water? With ice or lemon? They drill deep.

I picked my way through big game fishing, sunset cruise and circuit training, and signed up instead for Pilates, tennis and spa treatment. I also booked a table at Le 1947, the resort’s fine dining restaurant. With just a few tables, a dinner reservation at the establishment was de rigueur.

After I emailed my answers, all I needed was to show up at the airport on the departure date, fortify myself with a couple of Bloody Marys at the lounge, and wait for my morning flight from Singapore to Male.

  • IT'S A DIFFERENT DEAL
  • SHAKING A GLOVED HAND
  • DID YOU RING, SIR?
  • WE RECOMMEND THE DOM PERIGNON ...
  • THIS MAY HURT A LITTLE
  • START HERE AND NOW

Did You Ring, Sir?

With a well-rehearsed flourish, my butler Adhly threw open the double doors of my villa to reveal a huge space under a soaring ceiling. It was an undiluted Jean Michel Gathy drama, the Belgian founder of Denniston, designer of Cheval Blanc Randheli and many other super hotels across the globe. Through a series of screens, I could make out the procession of living room, bedroom, and bathroom, the last with a bathtub set under a canopy of pendant lamps.

Adhly had already run my bath; I smelled a hint patchouli as he walked me through the commands on the tablet that controlled all mechanical functions in my villa – from raising the temperature and window screens, to turning off the lights and entertainment system, and accessing an e-library of hundreds of magazine titles.

Earlier at the Cheval Blanc lounge, I spent a few minutes snacking on savories and sipping tea as I waited for the resort’s jaunty little Twin Otter, and now they are tempting me again with welcome spread of cakes and cold champagne. In the end, good sense prevailed – I filled a glass with bubbly and headed straight to the bath.

“Not a wrinkle when you twinkle or a wobble when you walk.
Of course, there bound to be a little suffering…”

  • IT'S A DIFFERENT DEAL
  • SHAKING A GLOVED HAND
  • DID YOU RING, SIR?
  • WE RECOMMEND THE DOM PERIGNON ...
  • THIS MAY HURT A LITTLE
  • START HERE AND NOW

We Recommend the Dom Perignon ...

Assuming there’s nothing on Noonu – no dazzling architecture, no refined rituals of service, no welcoming staff brandishing yellow Japanese parasols… as long as there’s Le 1947, there’s reason for anyone to land his seaplane by the pontoon and hurry inland for dinner.

Named after Chateau Cheval Blanc’s landmark vintage, Le 1947 serves French haute cuisine in a sublimely beautiful space that could perhaps seat two hundred but is set up for probably just 20. Open for dinners only from Monday to Wednesday, it is famous for its 12-course dinner served in bespoke Isabelle Poupinel tableware. Diners are received at Le 1947 Evening Lounge for some aperitifs before they are guided to their tables.

The menu is remarkable for many things, not least of which the variety of ingredients – Gillardeau oysters, pigeon breast from Costieres, and Ossau-Iraty cheese made from the milk of brebis sheep (along with the usual black truffle and foie gras), as well as the methods of preparation required to create plump cromesquis, crispy tuiles, and delicate parmentiers. As anticipated, dinner ended with two types of dessert, including a take on tart tatin, and a few mignardises.

It was defeated. I left the establishment in a stupor but also with firmer resolve to do better the following day.

  • IT'S A DIFFERENT DEAL
  • SHAKING A GLOVED HAND
  • DID YOU RING, SIR?
  • WE RECOMMEND THE DOM PERIGNON ...
  • THIS MAY HURT A LITTLE
  • START HERE AND NOW

This May Hurt A Little

Renato Chizzola was in his signature cheery mood when he met me for breakfast. Cheval Blanc Randheli’s VP for operations in Asia & ME, he is like the ringmaster – greeting everyone in his lively baritone, complimenting the staff, and generally putting everyone at ease.

He told me stories about his days running The World as well as luxury cruise ships Cunard and Crystal, and his eventual transition to land-based hospitality at Cheval Blanc. He listened sympathetically to what I wanted to accomplish during my stay and rewarded my valour with an order of French toast. “You will need the strength,” he said.

The next two days saw me going through gruelling physical activity, first at the gym with Charell Berg, a personal trainer and therapist who got me through a rigorous Pilates routine. The following day, I took the boat to ‘tennis island’ for a clinic with Ivo Fonseca, the resort’s tennis pro.

I survived the two days in one piece, but although I felt lighter - No more crow's feet, no more flab, no more love handles to grab – I also ached in 20 places. I asked to be ferried to the ‘spa island’ for my full body massage and facial. My session ended with lunch at the Spa Bar, a chic, sea-facing little hideaway where they serve incredibly delicious and healthy food.

  • IT'S A DIFFERENT DEAL
  • SHAKING A GLOVED HAND
  • DID YOU RING, SIR?
  • WE RECOMMEND THE DOM PERIGNON ...
  • THIS MAY HURT A LITTLE
  • START HERE AND NOW

Start Here And Now

No one on the planet can change the way they look or feel in four days. If it were that easy, looking great wouldn’t be so interesting.

But consigning oneself to a rigorous regime of diet and exercise, particularly under professional supervision, is a great way to get started. Although a luxury resort may not appear to be the right place to begin such task, given its facilities, services and stress-free environment, it surely is.

Of course, there’s bound to be a little suffering –
Eternal youth is worth a little suffering.

For more information on Cheval Blanc Randheli, visit, www.chevalblanc.com.